Friday, October 30, 2009

Alan Ball - Can You Please Explain Europe To Me?


Alan Ball - if you are out there in the blog-o-sphere I have a question for you.

Can you please explain Europe to me?  I have to know. 

Ever since Jason Stackhouse asked that question in Season 2, Episode 4 of True Blood, I have been filled with a burning desire to understand Europe.  I'm not sure I can go on with my life if Europe isn't explained.

I did submit this question to the recent Paley Centre seminar, but I guess since it was a Season 2 question rather than a Season 3 one, it was overlooked.  Never mind.  I'm sure that one of these days Europe will be explained and I'll be able to sleep again. 

I think I'll just go sit down and rock back and forward for a while.

ahhh - lol

Deep South



A friend was recently visiting relatives in Georgia, USA and found this sign out front of a courthouse.

Says it all, doesn't it?  lol

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Australia Breaks Zombie Walk World Record

First we Aussies beat the Poms in Robot Dancing and now Australia has demonstrated its superiority over England by breaking their world record in, wait for it, zombie walking.

On Sunday, 5000 zombie Santas, strippers, soldiers, nurses and other assorted generic zombies walked through the Brisbane CBD in the largest mass lurch in recorded history.  This clearly outstripped England's paltry effort of 4026, at the Big Chill festival in Ledbury in August.  Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oy, Oy, Oy!!!


Note - the zombies pictured above are not real.

Epic Fail 3 - The Lawman, The Stripper, His Car and Her Sex Toys

A US deputy assistant attorney general on a "lunch break" was discovered in his car with an 18 year-old stripper and a range of sex toys.  And all of this action went down (pun absolutely intended) in a graveyard.  His ass, and the rest of him, was fired.

The couple may have been inspired by the hot, dirty, graveyard sex scene in Season 1 of True Blood, but they probably should have waited until after dark like Bill and Sookie.   lol

Source: smh.com.au: http://www.smh.com.au/world/deputy-assistant-attorney-general-66-caught-in-car-in-cemetery-with-stripper-18-and-sex-toys-20091029-hli4.html

Habeas Corpus

A body has been found on the roof of a police station in India.  There's no mystery how the body got there.  It had been "stored" on the roof awaiting DNA testing, but then forgotten for two years.

The big mystery is that nobody went up on the roof for two years, or if they did, they had no sense of smell.

Ick.

This completely redefines the legal term habeas corpus: Latin - you (shall) have the body.

Source: news.com.au http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26275386-13762,00.html

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

...Or Maybe Shakespeare Did Know Eric Was A Vampire

When Shakespeare described Eric Northman as a "god" (see my earlier post) I thought perhaps that he didn't know that he was a vampire. 

But a little more research into Shakespeare's work came up with this quote:

“For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.”
Shakespeare’s sonnet CXLVII (147)

Old Will was a pretty perceptive kind of guy.

Update - "Merlotte's Bar" Set Sighting


The True Blood, Merlotte's Bar exterior set must be the busiest little building in Hollywood. Not only did it have a part as a biker bar in a recent episode of "The Mentalist" but back a couple of years ago it put some supernatural runs on the board in the vampire show "Moonlight".

What will it star in next?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Australian Signs of The Apocalypse - Budgie Plague


If the skies turning blood-red a few weeks ago were not enough to convince us that the Apocalypse was nigh now, in a quintessentially (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence) Australian manner, two more signs have manifested. 

Firstly, small white fluffy dogs have gone feral and started attacking people (OK. I admit, not very Australian and not very scary) and secondly, the Australian Outback is under attack from a plague of Budgerigars.

With the good inland rains flocks of the tiny, green parrots have bred into millions of noisy, hungry, little flying demons.  Anyone who has owned a Budgie will know just how scary is the prospect of millions of the nasty, little, bitey buggers. 

Alfred Hitchcock eat your heart out.

Photo credit (Anna Britton) http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26264581-13762,00.html

Monday, October 26, 2009

My Pick for Alcide Herveaux - Eric Bana


Who is my pick for playing the True Blood Season 3 Werewolf hunk, Alcide Herveaux?  Australian actor, Eric Bana.  Not only does he look the part (tall, dark and handsome), but his TV and film career amply demonstrates he can portray the mix of sexy tenderness  and out-and-out scary violence that is Alcide.

Eric's Bio*

Eric Bana (born August 9, 1968) is an Australian film and television actor. He began his career as a comedian in the sketch comedy series Full Frontal before gaining critical recognition in the biopic Chopper (2000).

After a decade of critically acclaimed roles in Australian TV shows and films, Bana gained Hollywood's attention by playing the role of American Delta Force Sergeant Norm 'Hoot' Hooten in Black Hawk Down (2001), the lead role as Bruce Banner in the Ang Lee directed film Hulk (2003), Prince Hector in the movie Troy and the main villain, Nero in 2009's hit movie Star Trek.

It's not likely to happen - but, gee - Eric would be perfect!

* Source: Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Bana

PS - and having quick look aroung the 'net there are a lot of people who agree with me.  I think we should start a campaign!



Friday, October 23, 2009

Skate Wearing Bear Kills Trainer

In Russia a circus bear trained to ice skate has killed its trainer.

Call me callous, but all I can say about this is... good.

Fly Me To The Moon...

Well, it was not quite as far as the moon, but two NORTHWEST Airlines pilots were so busy arguing with each other while they were supposed to be flying 144 passengers from San Diego to Minneapolis, that they lost contact with air controllers for more than an hour and missed their destination by 241km.

This does not make me any happier about flying.

Source: new.com.au  http://www.news.com.au/travel/story/0,28318,26248927-5014090,00.html

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Giant Seagull Attacks Melbourne

Peter Hitchener, a Melbourne newsreader, was sitting in front of live skycam feed when a seagull decided it was a great spot for a rest.  The crew went into (muffled) hysterics while Peter just carried on as the giant seagull blotted out the Melbourne skyline.  He is such a professional. 
Giant seagulls?  Where is Godzilla when you need him?

Merlotte's Bar Guest Stars on "The Mentalist"

I was watching "The Mentalist" last night and think I saw the Merlotte's Bar exterior set in a guest starring role as a biker bar.  It was in a slightly different costume and make-up, but I'm pretty sure it was Merlotte's.  It didn't even get a credit.  lol

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Proof That Shakespeare Knew Eric Northman


"What a piece of worke is a man!* how Noble in

Reason? how infinite in faculty? in forme and mouing
how expresse and admirable? in Action, how like an Angel?
in apprehension, how like a God?"
 
Thanks Will.
 
(* Shakespeare probably didn't know Eric was a vampire - they were secret in those days.)
 
Source: Hamlet by William Shakespeare

I know that technically Hamlet is bagging the shit out of humanity, but, heck, it's been used out of context before.  lol

Warning! Be On The Lookout For Eccentric Men With Turquoise Socks

Be afraid, be very afraid.  According to Italian TV men who wear turquoise coloured socks with white shoes are odd and eccentric. 

The TV Station owned by Italian President Silvio Berlusconi was lampooning a jugde who had ruled against him in a bribery case.

Other Italian judges have now called for a turquoise-sock-led protest against anti-democratic forces in their country. 

Sock manufacturers - 1
Silvio - 0

Monday, October 19, 2009

NEWSFLASH! GOD SAVES THE WORLD...

....or rather the Universe by sabotaging the Large Hadron Collider.

Danish physicist Dr Holger Bech Nielsen and Dr Masao Ninomiya from Japan have suggested that God him/her/itself is reaching back though time to stop humans from finding the elusive Higgs boson, or "God particle".

The Collider is also known as the "doomsday device" with claims that when switched on it will open black holes that will swallow the Earth (where is my towel when I need it).

Of course there is a slight problem with this theory.  God is said to omnipresent and omnipotent.  He/she/it is everywhere, everywhen and knows everything. 

If this is the case, then:
1.  God doesn't have to travel back through time - he/she/it is on the spot to stop any "God Particles" that might be created.
2.  He/she/it would have stopped the research that created the Collider in the first place.
3. God mustn't exist.
4. Oh bugger - there goes my theory.

Sometimes I really hate logic.

Source: new.com.au http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,28348,26229233-5014239,00.html

Wheelchair-bound Man Left Exposed to Elements on Mount Snowdon

Apparently a group of well-intentioned martial artists (I kid you not) abandoned a wheelchair-bound man half-way up Mount Snowdon in Wales in a charity event gone horribly wrong.

When they got too bushed to push any longer (sounds like a cue for an epidural, doesn't it) they left him there. 

And I thought exposing people to the elements went out of fashion with the Spartans. 

The heroes of the piece were the Llanberis mountain rescue team who carried the man back down the mountain.

Stephen Moyer Falls off Jumping Castle - Decides to Audition for House


OK this is totally fictional, but I just couldn't resist the headline. 

Stephen recently had knee surgery to repair a damaged meniscus.  The jumping castle thing is also just a stab in the dark.  I read/heard (don't remember which) in the media that Stephen mentioned hiring a jumping castle for the kids at his 40th Birthday extravaganza and, somehow, I can just imagine that he might have been tempted to have a go. 

Dangerous things, jumping castles, almost as scary as clowns.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Epic Fail 2

In the Hunter Valley, North of Sydney, a man was caught by police driving at 210km/h while unlicensed, unregistered, over the alcohol limit and with bald tyres. 

Don't you just hate an overachiever?.

Friday, October 16, 2009

"Cogito ergo sum": Sophie-Anne Imagines Herself into Existence as the Philosopher Queen


OK, I’m getting a bit serious here, but I watched Frenzy and read the press, web-site and blog reviews. And then I watched the episode a few more times and then I thought about it for quite a while. This is the result.

True Blood is one of the few TV shows worth repeated viewings, which is a testament to the quality of the production from conception to realisation. Alan Ball may say True Blood is popcorn television, but I don’t think he could write popcorn if his life depended on it.

The True Blood Season 2 episode Frenzy, written by Alan Ball, attracted a fair amount of criticism after its first airing in the US. It was described as being too wordy; filled with exposition at the expense of action and plot development. The scenes with the vampire Queen of Louisiana, Sophie-Anne Leclerq were those that attracted much of the criticism, aimed largely at Evan Rachel Wood on whose head fell the task of bringing the wordy Queen to life.

So who is Sophie-Anne Leclerq and why is she so wordy? Does she spout philosophical wisdom or base sophistry?

Sophie-Anne is an immortal being, who in Alan Ball’s words, is brilliant, “very powerful, capricious and most likely insane.” She has been a vampire for several hundred years, but was turned when she was in her teens. She has accumulated the knowledge of several lifetimes, but interprets it all with the mind of a teenager.

We first meet Sophie-Anne in her Day House. Inside it is a luxurious confection of light, water and desirable things (object, human and vampire). Outside, dioramas of sand and sea block out the real world. It is opulent, perfect, unreal and terribly sterile.

Queen Sophie-Anne Leclerq explains to a somewhat nonplussed Vampire Bill that everything in existence imagined itself into being. She also takes the philosophical position that there is no such thing as “good” (and by extension “evil”) or “time”. She forces her companions to play endless games of Yahtzee which she extols as the “most egalitarian game in the world” as it is based purely on the chance roll of dice and requires no skill.

She is her own creation. She is what she imagines herself to be. The philosopher René Decartes famously posited “I think therefore I am” and Sophie-Anne appears to think she is one of Plato’s imaginary Philosopher Kings (or Queen in her case) and therefore she is.

In understanding Sophie-Anne you might remember the scene in the movie A Fish Called Wanda, where Otto (don’t call me stupid) West asserts that that “Apes don’t read philosophy” and Wanda shouts back at him “Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it.”

Now I’m not calling Sophie-Anne stupid (I wouldn’t dare), but she could be the ultimate cautionary tale of knowledge without wisdom, power without limits, behaviour without boundaries, life without death.

In this Sophie-Anne can be seen as the polar opposite of Sookie, who is wise but not learned, powerful (in her own special way) but ethical, strong but kind and completely mortal.

[This is just my take on Sophie-Anne - I wouldn't presume to know what is in Alan Ball's mind - but I'm pretty sure it's not ACME Wonder Head-Filler.]

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Quote of the Week

Roger Rogerson - ex policeman and ex-convict

"They say in the past people respected the police.  It wasn't respect, it was bloody fear."

Those were the days. 

See - I Told You Clowns Weren't Funny!


From Associated Press comes this story:

"Dead deer in clown suit left on Iowa porch.

Officers suspect it was a prank."

I don't think so - not when a clown is involved.  Definite sign of Coulroic* malevolence in my opinion.

*I just made up that word (see link above).

[Note to self. Never, ever, under any circumstances, type "evil clown" into Google images search again.  I'm going to have nightmares for weeks.] lol

Source AP: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33229752/ns/us_news-weird_news/

[Note to self.  Never, ever, under any circumstances, type "evil clown" into Google images search again!]

Monday, October 12, 2009

A Rough Beast Slouches Towards Canberra

That bastion of bland blancmangeness [probably not a real word] known as Canberra is being beset by dark forces.

According to Catch the Fire Ministries pastor Daniel Nalliah a satanic, "black mass" altar has been discovered on top of a hill that overlooks the Parliament building.

"The type of altar discovered on Mount Ainslie pointed to a black mass and the work of dark forces wanting to cast spells on Australia and federal parliament,'' Mr Nalliah said.

Asked what evidence of Satan there was in parliament, Mr Nalliah said: "The number of politicians who have serious marriage problems.''  [By golly - Satan is everywhere!]

The good pastor is holding a prayer vigil on the mountain to “pull down the strongholds of the devil to repent and pray against any evil done in our land including the adverse effects of witchcraft, homosexuality and, of course, the devastation of abortion, so that God will save our land.''

Is that rough beast slouching towards Canberra?  Hardly think he'd bother really - sort of redundant.

Source: news.com.au
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26197969-29277,00.html

Mondays are Just Not Funny

In fact they are so unfunny I'm thinking of calling them "Hey Hey it's Monday" from now on.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

When is a True Blood Spoiler Not a Spoiler?


When Alan Ball announces that someone will die in True Blood Season 3. 

Alan told TVGuide.com that "Somebody is going to bite the dust and it's going to be really good to see them get what they deserve."

Well, damn!  I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Now a real spoiler would have been "Nobody Dies on True Blood Season 3".

Kidding.

Of course book readers will know there are two good candidates for the chop in Season 3 - both of whom royally deserve their end.

Roll on June 2010.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Epic Fail

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is - it just works on so many levels.

Recently, two drunken louts decided to go out for a spot of tranny bashing.  The only problem was that the trannies they picked on happened to be some cage fighters out on the town in fancy dress.  Needless to say it wasn't the trannies that got bashed.

Poetic justice rules.

Source: Courier Mail
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,,26182527-5013016,00.html

Friday, October 9, 2009

Adventures in Extreme Criticism


Hot on the heels of that tiny Chinese critic who thought that "Cats" was a steaming pile of shit (literally), comes the the 6 Connecticut critics who thought a woman's rendition of "A Dios Le Pido" was worthy of brickbats (again literally). If this trend towards Extreme Criticism catches on, soon all performers will be required to wear body armour by their insurers.

Source: UPI
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/10/08/Six-arraigned-for-karaoke-attack/UPI-34421255033667/

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

How to Tell the Difference Between My Horse Scotty and Stephen Moyer

Since I keep getting asked if the Hot Scott mentioned earlier in my blog is the guy pictured in the blog's header (well - OK, I was only asked once) I thought I'd make it clearer how to distinguish between the two.

Hot Scott (AKA Scotty) is a horse (Equus Caballus) .  He is 7 years old (about 28 in human years). He has brown/black hair and brown eyes and stands about 5 feet to the top of his shoulders (approximately 5'6" in human terms).  He is a gelding.  His genetics are primarily American.

The guy in the blog header is Stephen Moyer - he is a human (Homo sapiens sapiens).  He is about 40 years old (10 horse years).  He has blond hair - allegedly - and blue eyes and stands about 5'10'' to the top of his head (maybe 16hh in horse terms).  He is an entire (I presume, since he has progeny) and his genetics are English.  I was going to say "Stallion" instead of "entire" but, sadly, I'm not qualified to give that appellation.




If Scotty was a human he'd probably look a lot like Orlando Bloom.  Scotty IS very cute.  As you can see Orlando Bloom does not look like Stephen Moyer.






If Stephen were a horse he probably look like this.  This horse does not look anything like Scotty (see above).





My theorum is thus proven.  Stephen Moyer ≠ Hot Scott.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Anna Paquin - Afraid of Weddings?


I just love the way the media can beat up a throw-away line.  Classic case is Anna Paquin's declaration to a UK tabloid that she hates those puffy, "meringue" wedding dresses - those horrible creations that even the most fashion-conscious of brides can be sucked into wearing for their big day. 

Actually I agree with Anna - although I'd add that the only thing worse than a wedding dress is a bridesmaid's dress. 

Anna's quite rational dislike of wedding dresses has been media-morphed into a fear of weddings.  Kind of like when she wore a loose top one day and was suddenly pregnant [Is that how it happens? I always wondered.]

Not to be outdone by a tabloid (my standards are low) I thought I'd add to the beat-up by coining a phrase for wedding-phobia.  Having Googled this and being unable to find an actual word for wedding phobia, I looked up the Greek word for wedding (or marriage), which is παντρεία "pandria".  For some reason all phobias are Greek (phobia, itself, being a Greek word).

So, Anna, I thought you'd like to know you are now a Pandriaphobe.  Kind of sounds like you are afraid of cute black and white bears.  As a self-confessed Coulrophobe I am glad to see that there are other phobics out there.  Mind you, given the fact that I did this translation and research in about 5 minutes I may be naming you something else entirely.  Sorry about that. 

Oh - and congratulations on the pregnancy!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Animal Attraction

Even my little girl cat, Niji, likes Stephen Moyer.  She stared at him for a whole 10 minutes while I was watching True Blood.  She did watch him upside down - but, then, she is a cat.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Sad Story of the Only Poem I Know Off-By-Heart

This is the only poem I know off-by-heart.

A Poem by Rev Spooner (Monty Python)

I've a gouse and harden in the country
A ace I call my plown
A treat I can replace to
When I beed to ne alone.

Butterfly and catterpillar
Perch on beefy lough
As I listen to the dats and cogs
As they mark and they beow.

Yes wature here is nunderful
There is no weed for nords
And silling by my windowflutter
Biny little tirds.

Sad, isn't it.  There is one other, but I don't think "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear" really counts as a poem.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Vampires are Strong, Sexy Alphas - That's Why We Love Them

2009 really is the Year of the Vampire. True Blood, Being Human and The Vampire Diaries are on the small screen and there are at least 34 vampire films either released or to be released this year (according to the website Suburban Vampire).

So what is it about Vampires that draws us in? One of the major theories was put forward by Stephen King in his 1981 book Danse Macabre. He argued that Vampires appealed mainly to teenage girls as they were the ultimate “zipless fuck” – all the fun without the drama.

Another theory is that the Vampire is the ultimate bad boy and bad boys are just so attractive to women. For some, this attraction is inexplicable and irrational – why would you want a guy that is mad, bad and dangerous to know?

I am speaking here of male-female sexual attraction here – I don’t know if the bad boy/girl has the same appeal in same-sex relationships. If you are reading this and can provide some insight on this topic, perhaps you would like to comment? I’d be interested to know.

I would argue that the answer lies in our evolutionary biology. When we think of relationships today it is in terms of monogamous pair-bonds – couples – married or living together. This is a relatively recent, and Western, cultural construct.

Human biology tells a different story. In primates, as in many animal species, differences in body size between males and females (the technical term is sexual dimorphism) can reflect breeding behaviour.

Where breeding occurs within a monogamous pair-bond (such as in Gibbons) the relative body size of the male and female are equal. Where breeding behaviour occurs within groups (such as in Gorillas or Chimpanzees) very often a single alpha male will have a harem of females over which he has exclusive breeding rights. In this situation the male is bigger than the female.

And so it is in humans. This tells us that for most of our evolutionary history a human female would prefer an alpha male as a sexual partner because he represented the biggest genetic bang for her buck (so to speak).

So this is my argument - the Vampire is alpha - the big, strong and sexy leader of the pack. That’s why we love them.

My Name is Bloodoracle and I am Afraid of Clowns

There - I have publicly outed myself - I am a Coulrophobe.

Well, maybe not anymore - but I was as a child. My response to clowns is now much more rational - I just hate the creepy bastards! Need less to say Stephen King's It and the movie Poltergeist really give me the screaming heebee geebees.


Now there is news that a clown is about to be sent into space (the founder of Circe de Soleil has payed for trip to the International Space Station).

This should definitely set a precedent. As far as I am concerned all clowns should be shot into space and left there. Maybe we could send a clown-ship to Mars - it is already the right colour. Come to think of it, perhaps we could send their cousins the Mimes as well. Don't get me started...