TV News Camermen To Be Replaced By Chimps?

TV executives have made major strides in their bid to replace news camera operators with Chimpanzees. 

Trial footage filmed by the apes has been released by the BBC, but it seems these would-be simian camera operators have a ways to go.

Reps of the camera operator's union have denounced this move as a retro-evolutionary step and claim that, in any case, "the monkeys (sic) are too short to be cameramen".

The Chimps rep said "arggh arghh arghh eee eee eee!!" and slapped this reporter across the face with a banana.

For the real story see: BBC Earth News http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8472000/8472831.stm

Aussies Are Damned, According To Brit Researchers

Once again Aussies have beaten the Brits, this time in sinning.  In fact, according to British researchers Australia is the world champion of sinners. 

In a study of 35 countries Australians were found to be the most likely to commit one of the biblical seven deadly sins.  Australia as the setting of sin central is perfectly reasonable as it is, of course, as hot as hell (in so many ways).

In other results citizens of the USA were found to be the most likely to commit the sin of gluttony and South Koreans the sin of lust.

A notable absence on the sinscale however, is Britain (hmmm).

Which destination would you choose for your next holiday?

Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/national/australia-ranked-world-number-one-for-sinning/story-e6frfkvr-1225824525361

True Blood – Going for Gay Icon Status?

SPOILER WARNING!

True Blood is going stratospheric in portraying gay or ‘pan-sexuality” in its third season. Never shy about exploring relationships of all kinds, in TBS3 we will apparently see man on man love (Lafayette and Jesus and maybe Eric and Lafayette); girl on girl love (Yvette and Pam); man and girl on girl love (Eric, Yvette and Pam); werewolf on human love (Sookie and Alcide) and shifter on vamp love (Sam and  Bill?!!!? WTF!).   AND - HOT SCOOP - also vamp on werewolf love (Eric and weird biker guy?!!!?) according to Andy McKenzie (playing said weird biker guy).

Looks like TB is going all out for gay icon status. It will have to be the gayest show since Dante’s Cove.

(Admission: I actually only watched one ep of DC and even then not all of it. I decided it wasn’t, ahem, aimed at my demographic (although the constant parade of waxed and oiled pecs and abs were much appreciated). lol

Epic Fail - Robber Wears See-Through Mask

An armed robber has donned [I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence] a transparent plastic bag over his head while robbing a service (gas) station on the Gold Coast of Australia. 

I'm not sure what is most dumb - that he wore a plastic bag over his head (risking suffocation) or that the bag was see-through (risking identification).

source - news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/robber-hides-in-see-through-plastic-bag/story-e6frfku0-1225818030535

Stephen Moyer And Horses - Bloodoracle Proves Prophetic Powers

My loyal followers will remember that ages ago I compared my horse Scotty with Stephen Moyer.  Somewhat later I completely fabricated (or so I thought at the time) a story about how Stephen hurt his knee falling off an inflatable jumping castle. 

Just yesterday, news came that Stephen fell off a horse while filming a scene from True Blood and hurt his knee.

Obviously this is my amazing power of prophecy manifesting itself.  :-p

Keep tuned for more exciting predictions...

Epic Fail (Or Is It?) - Sword Swallower Hypnotises Self

A man was rescued by his wife after hypnotising himself in front of a mirror. 

Helmut, also professional sword swallower, was in a trance for five hours before being found. 

This is not the first time that Helmut's career choice has led toto a mishap.  Although not a stranger to piercings (see photo in source article), Helmut's first sword swallowing performance ended with a trip to the emergency room after he pierced himself with a 120cm sabre (that is called an extreme piercing). 

Apparently Helmut was learning hypnotism in order to improve his sword swallowing technique. 

Ahem.

All I can say is: Helmut quit while you are ahead, or, at least, while you still have one...


Source (including pic of Helmut) : news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/world/hypnotist-accidentally-hypnotises-himself-in-mirror-for-five-hours/story-e6frfkyi-1225816925883

Australia Out-Argues Britain and the USA

We may not be able to beat them at Cricket or Darts, but following on from our thrashing of England in Robot Dancing the Aussies have once again beaten the Brits, this time in debating. (Oh, and also the Americans).

Yes - it is true: Australia cannot only out-dance and out-drink the Brits, but can also out-argue them as well. 

All is right with the world.

Source: The Australian - http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/sydney-uni-beats-oxford-harvard-in-debating/story-e6frg6nf-1225816072115

2010 Is Fantastic (So Far)

First, I got my Bill back.

Next, I got 4-suit Spider Solitaire out for the first time in months (existentialist angst resolved).

2010 is turning out to be a fantastic year for me - all four days of it, so far!

Now, all I need is for Alan Ball to offer me a job writing for True Blood and it would be my best year ever.

I don't ask for much, really.

Evil Clown News

Coulrophobes across Tasmania are in a panic with the news that a giant, inflatable, evil clown has escaped from the Moscow Circus and is rampaging across the Tasmanian countryside.

Police have warned people to stay inside and not approach the clown, as it is evil (of course).

OK - so the rampaging thing is a bit of an exaggeration (actually a complete lie), but you know how I feel about clowns.

If you can handle the truth it can be read here: http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/01/01/2783754.htm