The Primrose Path Of Tiger's Dalliance

The other day on ABC Radio National a sports manager was being interviewed about how Tiger Woods' extra-marital affairs might hurt his career. He likened Tiger's woes to a Shakespearean tragedy. This got me thinking: If Tiger Woods' story was a Shakespearean tragedy which one would it be?


Titus Andronicus. A play about Romans and Goths. Hmmmm - nope. (Didn't know they had Goths back then. lol)

Romeo and Juliet. A play about star-crossed lovers who choose to die rather than live without each other. Hmmmm – nope, again.

Othello. Play about a Moor (Othello) married to the beautiful Desdemona. Othello kills Desdemona after being fooled into believing lies about her infidelity. Well, only if the roles got reversed and the lies were truth – so, reluctantly, no.

King Lear. Play about a King who tries to act wisely, but fails miserably.  Definitely, no.

Macbeth. This is where Macbeth, a Scottish nobleman, stages a palace coup with the help of witches, but fails. Definitely no - unless there is an interesting side to Tiger's story we don't know about.

Julius Caesar. Play about a guy who pisses off his friends and rivals, who proceed to stab him in the back (over and over again). Possible, but no.

Antony & Cleopatra. Antony lets his affair with Egyptian Queen Cleopatra get in the way of his aim to take over Rome. Close, but no cigar.

Coriolanus. Another in the series of Roman plays. Doesn't really get a guernsey here. And I don't mean a cow.

Timon of Athens. This play is about a rich misanthrope who tries to buy friendship and in the process gives away all his money. He becomes a hermit and dies in the wilderness. Spookily prophetic - but, no.

Troilus and Cressida. All about the Trojan War. Didn't see Tiger in the cast list - so, no.

Hamlet.  This is Shakespeare's most famous tragedy of all, and the one that seems to fit the bill.  It is a play about a prince who can't make his mind up and sends the woman who loves him mad.

The sports manager was right: Tiger's story is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.

Next I'll tackle the comedies...

True Blood Fanfic - Godric Gets Pucked - Act 1 (A First Draft)

Godric Gets Pucked

A Short Play in Three Acts

Players

William Shakespeare – a playwright (as himself)

Henry Fitzoy – vampire and bastard son of King Henry VIII (a creation of Tanya Huff)

Eric Northman – vampire and ex-Viking (creation of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball)

Godric – ancient vampire (creation of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball)

Christopher (Kit) Marlowe – vampire and ex-playwright (creation of Karen Chance)

Act 1 – Ill Met by Moonlight

Will Shakespeare stumbles through a London park close to dawn, drunk as a skunk. Following behind at a distance is Henry Fitzroy – vampire.

Will is singing, arms waving above his head, holding a bottle of wine, walking backwards. Singing a bawdy, somewhat slurred, version of the song, Greensleaves.

Will:

“Alas my love,

You do me dirt

To sew greensleaves

On my yellow shirt.

Ahhhh, ha, ha, ha ha! How do you like that, Hal? Oh, bugger me”

Trips, falls flat on his back.

“Oh, look, the moon!”

Henry: “Most dignified, Will. Never heard a better rendition of Greensleaves. Good King Henry would have been be proud, damn his dead rotten heart.”

Will, suddenly sober: “You know, I thought the audience would like the play better, but hardly a laugh to be had, not even a modicum of mirth.”

Henry: “I thought that line of Bottom’s “Thou tottering puke-stockinged miscreant!” was good.”

Will: “Good? It was superb. Those cursed philistines wouldn’t know comedy if it bit them in the arse.”

Will – resigned: “Fie, but it lacked for something, did it not? The Faeries were not right.”

Henry: “I believe at one point there was arse-biting. Puck was an abomination”

Will: “Indeed. Help me up, dear friend? Otherwise my gloom will keep me thus this whole, stinking night.”

Henry goes to extend his hand, but stops, spins around. Listening.

Will: “Hal? Are there footpads about?”

Henry silences Will, with a motion of his hand.

Henry, whispers – “Footpads, no. But worse, I think.”

Henry growls, suddenly a figure appears in the clearing, somewhat disheveled.

Will is dumbfounded. He tries to rise to his feet, but fails, his knees weak with shock.

Will: “Kit? Kit Marlowe? Oh! trouble indeed if the dead have risen!”

Kit: “Hush, dear Will. Oh, but this is ill met by moonlight! Truly it is good to see you again, but you must flee, we must all flee on the instant.”

Henry growls at Kit, again.

Kit: “And make no mistake, you too, should flee your royal bastardship. Two powerful fiends come on my trail. They like me not, though I’m sure I gave them no cause.” Smiles and winks. He leaves.

The two fiends suddenly appear as if transported to the spot. The first, leaning nonchalantly against the trunk of a tree, is a tall man with long blond hair. The other, apparently a tattooed boy, is perched on a tree limb above the man.

Will: “Is this magic? Be thou Fairies? My head is spinning. First, comes Kit Marlowe’s ghost, followed by Fey creatures. What fell circumstance is this?”

The boy laughs: “He thinks us Fey, Eric. How Fey should we be?

Eric: “Not very, I think. I’m hungry and do not want sport, Godric.”

Godric: “You are no fun.”

Henry: “There will be no sport here, friends, not with those under my protection.”

Eric, pointing at Will: “You claim this human as yours?”

Henry: “I do”

Eric: “Does he know it, though?”

Henry: “It matters not if he knows. It is fact.”

Will: “Umm Hal? These are your friends?”

Henry: “I am being polite. But, indeed, they may not wish to make of me an enemy.”

Godric, smiling, hops down from the tree: “You would be no enemy to us,”

Eric moving forward: “At least, not for long.”

Will: “Gentles, please, let us not quarrel. I have an inspiration! Hal, can you not see the giant as Oberon and the boy as Puck. It is perfect.”

Henry: “Ahh, Will?”

Eric: “I am a giant?”

Godric: “Forsooth. More than I am a boy and we are Fey.”

Eric: “What is an Oberon and what is a Puck?”

Godric: “I am a Puck, evidently. Puck, Puck, Puck! I like the word. What must I do to be a Puck?”

Will: “Meet us on the morrow, after dark at the Globe. I will show you how to be a Puck.”

Godric: “Agreed! We should go, Eric, dawn approaches.”

Eric hesitates and starts towards Will and Henry. Henry bristles.

Godric: “Eric, come, I command you!”

Eric: “Yes, Godric. But must I be an Oberon?”

They disappear as they arrived.

Henry: “I do not believe they are Fey, Will.”

Will: “But what else could they be, my friend?”

Henry, looking furtive. “I know not. Not human, at any rate.”

Will: “And what did Kit mean by calling you your royal bastardship? Know you not that, as well?”

Henry: “Indeed, no. What does a ghost know after all?”

Will: “Alas, poor ghost! Poor Kit! I am maudlin. Well, let’s away. I have re-writing to do ere end of day.”

They leave.

...Or Maybe Shakespeare Did Know Eric Was A Vampire

When Shakespeare described Eric Northman as a "god" (see my earlier post) I thought perhaps that he didn't know that he was a vampire. 

But a little more research into Shakespeare's work came up with this quote:

“For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,

Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.”

Shakespeare’s sonnet CXLVII (147)

Old Will was a pretty perceptive kind of guy.

Proof That Shakespeare Knew Eric Northman

"What a piece of worke is a man!* how Noble in

Reason? how infinite in faculty? in forme and mouing
how expresse and admirable? in Action, how like an Angel?
in apprehension, how like a God?"
 
Thanks Will.
 
(* Shakespeare probably didn't know Eric was a vampire - they were secret in those days.)
 
Source: Hamlet by William Shakespeare

I know that technically Hamlet is bagging the shit out of humanity, but, heck, it's been used out of context before.  lol