Godric Gets Pucked
A Short Play in Three Acts
Players
William Shakespeare – a playwright (as himself)
Henry Fitzoy – vampire and bastard son of King Henry VIII (a creation of Tanya Huff)
Eric Northman – vampire and ex-Viking (creation of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball)
Godric – ancient vampire (creation of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball)
Christopher (Kit) Marlowe – vampire and ex-playwright (creation of Karen Chance)
Act 1 – Ill Met by Moonlight
Will Shakespeare stumbles through a London park close to dawn, drunk as a skunk. Following behind at a distance is Henry Fitzroy – vampire.
Will is singing, arms waving above his head, holding a bottle of wine, walking backwards. Singing a bawdy, somewhat slurred, version of the song, Greensleaves.
Will:
“Alas my love,
You do me dirt
To sew greensleaves
On my yellow shirt.
Ahhhh, ha, ha, ha ha! How do you like that, Hal? Oh, bugger me”
Trips, falls flat on his back.
“Oh, look, the moon!”
Henry: “Most dignified, Will. Never heard a better rendition of Greensleaves. Good King Henry would have been be proud, damn his dead rotten heart.”
Will, suddenly sober: “You know, I thought the audience would like the play better, but hardly a laugh to be had, not even a modicum of mirth.”
Henry: “I thought that line of Bottom’s “Thou tottering puke-stockinged miscreant!” was good.”
Will: “Good? It was superb. Those cursed philistines wouldn’t know comedy if it bit them in the arse.”
Will – resigned: “Fie, but it lacked for something, did it not? The Faeries were not right.”
Henry: “I believe at one point there was arse-biting. Puck was an abomination”
Will: “Indeed. Help me up, dear friend? Otherwise my gloom will keep me thus this whole, stinking night.”
Henry goes to extend his hand, but stops, spins around. Listening.
Will: “Hal? Are there footpads about?”
Henry silences Will, with a motion of his hand.
Henry, whispers – “Footpads, no. But worse, I think.”
Henry growls, suddenly a figure appears in the clearing, somewhat disheveled.
Will is dumbfounded. He tries to rise to his feet, but fails, his knees weak with shock.
Will: “Kit? Kit Marlowe? Oh! trouble indeed if the dead have risen!”
Kit: “Hush, dear Will. Oh, but this is ill met by moonlight! Truly it is good to see you again, but you must flee, we must all flee on the instant.”
Henry growls at Kit, again.
Kit: “And make no mistake, you too, should flee your royal bastardship. Two powerful fiends come on my trail. They like me not, though I’m sure I gave them no cause.” Smiles and winks. He leaves.
The two fiends suddenly appear as if transported to the spot. The first, leaning nonchalantly against the trunk of a tree, is a tall man with long blond hair. The other, apparently a tattooed boy, is perched on a tree limb above the man.
Will: “Is this magic? Be thou Fairies? My head is spinning. First, comes Kit Marlowe’s ghost, followed by Fey creatures. What fell circumstance is this?”
The boy laughs: “He thinks us Fey, Eric. How Fey should we be?
Eric: “Not very, I think. I’m hungry and do not want sport, Godric.”
Godric: “You are no fun.”
Henry: “There will be no sport here, friends, not with those under my protection.”
Eric, pointing at Will: “You claim this human as yours?”
Henry: “I do”
Eric: “Does he know it, though?”
Henry: “It matters not if he knows. It is fact.”
Will: “Umm Hal? These are your friends?”
Henry: “I am being polite. But, indeed, they may not wish to make of me an enemy.”
Godric, smiling, hops down from the tree: “You would be no enemy to us,”
Eric moving forward: “At least, not for long.”
Will: “Gentles, please, let us not quarrel. I have an inspiration! Hal, can you not see the giant as Oberon and the boy as Puck. It is perfect.”
Henry: “Ahh, Will?”
Eric: “I am a giant?”
Godric: “Forsooth. More than I am a boy and we are Fey.”
Eric: “What is an Oberon and what is a Puck?”
Godric: “I am a Puck, evidently. Puck, Puck, Puck! I like the word. What must I do to be a Puck?”
Will: “Meet us on the morrow, after dark at the Globe. I will show you how to be a Puck.”
Godric: “Agreed! We should go, Eric, dawn approaches.”
Eric hesitates and starts towards Will and Henry. Henry bristles.
Godric: “Eric, come, I command you!”
Eric: “Yes, Godric. But must I be an Oberon?”
They disappear as they arrived.
Henry: “I do not believe they are Fey, Will.”
Will: “But what else could they be, my friend?”
Henry, looking furtive. “I know not. Not human, at any rate.”
Will: “And what did Kit mean by calling you your royal bastardship? Know you not that, as well?”
Henry: “Indeed, no. What does a ghost know after all?”
Will: “Alas, poor ghost! Poor Kit! I am maudlin. Well, let’s away. I have re-writing to do ere end of day.”
They leave.
