Innovative Uses For Raw Steak

So you have a nice bit of steak - what to do with it?  Should you BBQ it?  Should you prepare it Steak Tartar style?  Maybe Surf and Turf it, or serve it with a nice Hollandaise?

You could always do it Jason Stackhouse style - use it as an ice-pack for a not-so-little case of priapism.

Or you could serve it Florida style - over the head and across the face.  A woman in Florida has apparently been arrested for assaulting her husband with a raw steak after an argument about a slice of bread (the bread's reaction is pictured at left).

That's a pretty mean way to tenderise meat, in my opinion.

Source: msnbc - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4429957

If Eric Northman Was An Animal, What Animal Would He Be?

According to Alexander Skarsgard, Eric would be a lion. 

A white lion, I think.

I can see that.  Beautiful, lethal, powerful and will eat other people's cubs.. er, I mean, tea-cup humans.

RROOWWRR!

Source: Examiner.com - http://www.examiner.com/x-14380-NY-Celebrity-Fitness-and-Health-Examiner~y2009m12d9-Alexander-Skarsgard-on-True-Blood-alter-ego-Eric-is-a-lion

Aliens or the Apocalypse?

Video footage has emerged of a twirling blue light that appeared over the skies of Norway last night.  Thousands of Norwegians reported seeing the light, which at one stage appeared to be connected to the ground by a long blue beam.


Some have claimed it is alien first contact with a space ship emerging over Earth through a space-time wormhole.  Others are claiming it is a sign of the apocalypse (it is just before Christmas, after all, the traditional time for signs and portents in the sky).

If it wasn't for the video thing I'd be thinking it could be the result of way too many Aquavit-fuelled Norwegian parties.

Personally, I am going for the aliens theory.  Perhaps they meant to send a delegation to the climate change conference, but got the address wrong. 

IT'S IN DENMARK, YOU IDIOTS, NOT NORWAY!!

Damn aliens are always getting these things wrong.

Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/world/norway-wormhole-is-first-contact-claim-ufo-watchers/story-e6frfkyi-1225808892785

Epic Fail - The Old Exploding Chewing Gum Trick

In what sounds like a story from the classic TV series Get Smart! news agencies are reporting (not saying I believe them) that a Ukrainian student has died after eating exploding chewing gum.

I know what Agent Maxwell Smart would say:

"The old exploding chewing gum trick. That's the second time I've fallen for it this week!"


Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/chemistry-student-killed-by-exploding-chewing-gum/story-e6frflri-1225808518676

The Love Song of J Alfred Bloodoracle

I hear the travelators singing each to each.
I do not think they will sing to me.

Shock, Horror! True Blood (B)romance?

Obviously devastated by the news that ERW has gone back to Marilyn Manson, Alexander Skarsgård has rebounded with his True Blood co-star Michael McMillan (couple pictured left at an intimate dinner date).


Or are they just "friends"?  lol

You know, guys, you shouldn't tease the media beast. Like all collective beasts it has no sense of humour and is vicious when poked with a stick.

5th Horseman, Chicken Little, Strikes in Georgia

A 45 year-old man dressed as an elf, and waiting to sit on Santa's lap, panicked a shopping mall crowd in the US State of Georgia after talking loudly about explosives.

I'm not sure what is most disturbing: that he was threatening people; that he was a 45 years old and dressed as an elf or that he was 45 yeas old  and waiting in line to see Santa.

The man is obviously a disciple of Chicken Little, the recently hired 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse, whose mission is to spread fear, alarm and panic.

I will keep you updated on latest sightings.

Source: new.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/evacuation-after-santa-alarmed-by-elf/story-e6frfku0-1225806829891

Spider Solitaire as an Existentialist Metaphor

I've gone weeks without solving four-suit Spider Solitaire.  I'm beginning to feel a bit like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in Tom Stoppard's play, where the two characters are flipping a coin, but can only ever toss a "heads".  Being fictional bit-part characters from Hamlet they are fated to play their parts and then die.  The coin is a metaphor for pre-destination.

If I can't get out Spider Solitaire - what am I fated for?  And if I'm a fictional character whose story am I playing out? 

Hell - if I am a fictional character, I vote the writer gets the sack!  lol

Mind Over Matter - Think Lite

According to research published by Japanese scientists, even thinking about fattening food can make you gain weight.  The research was conducted on mice but it is thought to apply to the human metabolism as well.

I wonder how the researchers knew that the test mice were thinking about fattening food and not some nice bit of lettuce or carrot?

If the mouse model is replicated in humans, I am so screwed.

Lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, lettuce....

Source: abc news online - http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/12/02/2759267.htm?section=justin

Research Into The Bleeding Obvious - God Is Just Like Us

One of my favourite topics is "research into the bleeding obvious".  This is where precious research dollars are spent proving something that Blind Freddy either already knew or could have worked out for free.

It took a combined US and Australian team of psychologists to determine that "people subconsciously project their own views on controversial issues onto God" and thus God's views come to reflect those of his/her worshipers.  You don't say?

Personal Jesus.  Amen.

Source: smh.com.au - http://www.smh.com.au/technology/sci-tech/god-as-it-turns-out-looks-a-lot-like-you-20091201-k3xe.html

Indian Bus Conductors Booby Trapped

The Indian state of Haryana is so sick of its bus conductors being robbed that it has been decided to booby trap bus conductors' money bags so that would be robbers get a nasty shock.

However "sources" say there is still no agreement on how to get the tiger into the bag.  lol

For the real story...
Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/indian-bus-robbers-in-for-a-nasty-shock/story-e6frflri-1225805764610

True Blood Fanfic - Godric Gets Pucked - Act 1 (A First Draft)

Godric Gets Pucked

A Short Play in Three Acts

Players

William Shakespeare – a playwright (as himself)

Henry Fitzoy – vampire and bastard son of King Henry VIII (a creation of Tanya Huff)

Eric Northman – vampire and ex-Viking (creation of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball)

Godric – ancient vampire (creation of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball)

Christopher (Kit) Marlowe – vampire and ex-playwright (creation of Karen Chance)

Act 1 – Ill Met by Moonlight

Will Shakespeare stumbles through a London park close to dawn, drunk as a skunk. Following behind at a distance is Henry Fitzroy – vampire.

Will is singing, arms waving above his head, holding a bottle of wine, walking backwards. Singing a bawdy, somewhat slurred, version of the song, Greensleaves.

Will:

“Alas my love,

You do me dirt

To sew greensleaves

On my yellow shirt.

Ahhhh, ha, ha, ha ha! How do you like that, Hal? Oh, bugger me”

Trips, falls flat on his back.

“Oh, look, the moon!”

Henry: “Most dignified, Will. Never heard a better rendition of Greensleaves. Good King Henry would have been be proud, damn his dead rotten heart.”

Will, suddenly sober: “You know, I thought the audience would like the play better, but hardly a laugh to be had, not even a modicum of mirth.”

Henry: “I thought that line of Bottom’s “Thou tottering puke-stockinged miscreant!” was good.”

Will: “Good? It was superb. Those cursed philistines wouldn’t know comedy if it bit them in the arse.”

Will – resigned: “Fie, but it lacked for something, did it not? The Faeries were not right.”

Henry: “I believe at one point there was arse-biting. Puck was an abomination”

Will: “Indeed. Help me up, dear friend? Otherwise my gloom will keep me thus this whole, stinking night.”

Henry goes to extend his hand, but stops, spins around. Listening.

Will: “Hal? Are there footpads about?”

Henry silences Will, with a motion of his hand.

Henry, whispers – “Footpads, no. But worse, I think.”

Henry growls, suddenly a figure appears in the clearing, somewhat disheveled.

Will is dumbfounded. He tries to rise to his feet, but fails, his knees weak with shock.

Will: “Kit? Kit Marlowe? Oh! trouble indeed if the dead have risen!”

Kit: “Hush, dear Will. Oh, but this is ill met by moonlight! Truly it is good to see you again, but you must flee, we must all flee on the instant.”

Henry growls at Kit, again.

Kit: “And make no mistake, you too, should flee your royal bastardship. Two powerful fiends come on my trail. They like me not, though I’m sure I gave them no cause.” Smiles and winks. He leaves.

The two fiends suddenly appear as if transported to the spot. The first, leaning nonchalantly against the trunk of a tree, is a tall man with long blond hair. The other, apparently a tattooed boy, is perched on a tree limb above the man.

Will: “Is this magic? Be thou Fairies? My head is spinning. First, comes Kit Marlowe’s ghost, followed by Fey creatures. What fell circumstance is this?”

The boy laughs: “He thinks us Fey, Eric. How Fey should we be?

Eric: “Not very, I think. I’m hungry and do not want sport, Godric.”

Godric: “You are no fun.”

Henry: “There will be no sport here, friends, not with those under my protection.”

Eric, pointing at Will: “You claim this human as yours?”

Henry: “I do”

Eric: “Does he know it, though?”

Henry: “It matters not if he knows. It is fact.”

Will: “Umm Hal? These are your friends?”

Henry: “I am being polite. But, indeed, they may not wish to make of me an enemy.”

Godric, smiling, hops down from the tree: “You would be no enemy to us,”

Eric moving forward: “At least, not for long.”

Will: “Gentles, please, let us not quarrel. I have an inspiration! Hal, can you not see the giant as Oberon and the boy as Puck. It is perfect.”

Henry: “Ahh, Will?”

Eric: “I am a giant?”

Godric: “Forsooth. More than I am a boy and we are Fey.”

Eric: “What is an Oberon and what is a Puck?”

Godric: “I am a Puck, evidently. Puck, Puck, Puck! I like the word. What must I do to be a Puck?”

Will: “Meet us on the morrow, after dark at the Globe. I will show you how to be a Puck.”

Godric: “Agreed! We should go, Eric, dawn approaches.”

Eric hesitates and starts towards Will and Henry. Henry bristles.

Godric: “Eric, come, I command you!”

Eric: “Yes, Godric. But must I be an Oberon?”

They disappear as they arrived.

Henry: “I do not believe they are Fey, Will.”

Will: “But what else could they be, my friend?”

Henry, looking furtive. “I know not. Not human, at any rate.”

Will: “And what did Kit mean by calling you your royal bastardship? Know you not that, as well?”

Henry: “Indeed, no. What does a ghost know after all?”

Will: “Alas, poor ghost! Poor Kit! I am maudlin. Well, let’s away. I have re-writing to do ere end of day.”

They leave.

All I Want For Christmas Is ... A Blue Fuzzy

Australian astronomers have discovered that the universe is dominated by tiny galaxies called "blue fuzzies". 

Blue fuzzies are small, hot temperature or blue (hence the blue part) collections of young stars that are fuzzy-looking (hence the fuzzy part) when seen from a distance (that is, they are not spiral galaxies like our own Milky Way).

As reported in ABC Science, an average blue fuzzy is roughly the size of the Small Magellanic Cloud - a mere seven thousand light years across - and contains as many as seven billion stars.

Now I know what I want for Christmas. I'll add a dwarf blue fuzzy galaxy to my collection of other miniature things: the pygmy hippopotamus, the mini pig, the dwarf lop-eared rabbit, the miniature horse and the rat dog (sorry Chihuahua). 

Now all I need is for someone to breed a pygmy elephant and I'll have the full set.

Stroy source: abc.net.au
Picture credit: Sloan Digital Sky Survey

Here, Son, Just Klingon to Me

Dr d'Armond Speers of Minnesota (a linguist) only spoke Klingon to his infant son for the first three years of his life in the hope the child would learn the fictional language that was developed for the Star Trek franchise.  Luckily the boy also had a mother who spoke to him in English.  Dr Speers says his son is picking up the language well and has excellent pronunciation.

The child will also be presented with a ceremonial Klingon meqleH (short sword) for his first day of preschool (OK, I made that bit up).

All I have to say is this: Ha'DIbaH!  Why couldn't he have taught his son something useful, like say, Esperanto?


For a translation of Klingon words - http://www.movies-dictionary.org/English-to-Klingon-Dictionary/

Source: Courier Mail - http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26380766-5013016,00.html

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 2: Luke, I am Your Father

This one comes under the "careful what you wish for" sub-category.

In the US an adopted man searching for his biological father has discovered that he is the son of cult leader and serial killer Charles Manson.  He is also the spitting image of his infamous parent.

Although he says he is a peace-loving guy whose hero is Gandhi, he has been exchanging letters with Manson.  “He sends me weird stuff and always signs it with his swastika,” he says.

Nature or nurture?  I do hope the guy doesn't believe in predestination.


Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26388459-401,00.html

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 1: Living Death

Here is a real horror story.  A Belgian man has spent 23 years trapped inside his paralysed body while doctors assumed he was in a vegetative state.  His physicians finally decided to do a brain scan to see what his neurological function was like only to find out that he was perfectly aware and had been so for over two decades. 

The man, who can now communicate via a special computer program, has told how he meditated to help pass the time.  "I cried out, but no-one heard me," he said, "I will never forget the day they discovered me - it was my second birth."



Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26392575-23109,00.html

Furry Zeitgeist

You know there is Zeitgeist happening when a particular subject comes up in the media, on the web, on TV or in conversation many times over a really short time.

This week's Zeitgeist is all about Furries.

For those of you who don't know, Furries are people that like to dress up in animal costumes and have fun.  All sorts of fun.  But let's not go there.

For me, it all started with a discussion of shape-shifters on the True Blood official HBO wiki.  This began conversation about the True Blood character, Sam (who shape-shifts into a dog), and lady dogs.  Somehow this led onto the subject of Furries and that classic CSI episode set at the Furry convention in Las Vegas.

And the very next day we get this Furry story from the ABC News website. 

Reuters reports there is a hotel in France that is offering the chance for guest to live as a hamster for a night.  For 99 Euros a guest can eat seeds, sleep in straw and work out in a giant hamster wheel.  Hamster suit is optional and BYO.

If this was April 1st I'd think this was a joke - but apparently not.

I shudder in anticipation of the next stage of the Furry Zeitgeist.

Source: abc.net.au - http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/11/17/2745682.htm?section=justin

NT News Reports - Croc Trap Clowns

Given my antipathy towards clowns I was excited to see this headline thinking that, perhaps, it might be a story about a Crocodile eating a clown - but, alas, it was not.  The guys involved were not real clowns, only metaphorical ones, and metaphorical clowns don't count.

Maybe next time.

Source: news.com.au - http://www.news.com.au/travel/story/0,28318,26360760-5014090,00.html

Bull-Jumping Comes Back Into Fashion

Bloody Cretans! 
(Ancient History joke - lol)



http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26355406-5013016,00.html

The Collected Wit and Wisdom of True Blood's Jason Stackhouse

It seems that on every True Blood fan site, blog and wiki, it is always Eric, Eric Eric, Bill, Bill Bill. 

Don't you just get a bit tired of it all?

Irrespective of the predictable cries of the "noooo ... we love Eric, Eric Eric, Bill, Bill Bill!",  I think it is time to redress the balance or as Jason would say: "What we need is a divergence."

In this post I celebrate that fine, dumb as a box full o' hair, sex-god, Jason Stackhouse.  And it is his mind (or lack thereof) that I love, as much as his physique.

So to that end here is the collected wit and wisdom of Jason as revealed in True Blood Seasons 1 and 2.

In TB Season 1 we got to see the more (ahem) physical side of Jason, so the audience didn't really have a chance to appreciate his native wit and unique take on life.

In Season 1 Jason revealed that he was perceptive:

Jason to LaFayette: “You’re wearing gold pants!”;

and witty, even under extreme duress:

Jason to LaFayette: "I got gout of the dick!!!"

But Jason's greatest contribution to the wisdom of the ages (and a warning to men everywhere) was his "big bad of crazy' rule:

Jason to Amy: “I should've known something wasn't right the second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy! 'Cause any woman with a purse that big's bound to have something in it I don't wanna know about!”

In Season 2, with his body not much required for anything but exhibition, Jason really hit his intellectual and philosophical straps.

We found out he was a biblical scholar in this exchange:
Luke - "Think you walk on water don’t you Stackhouse?" Jason - "I’m pretty sure that was Moses."

And an existential philosopher of note with:

Jason to Andy: "It's like if a tree falls in the woods it's still a tree, ain't it?"

and

Jason to Andy: “Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg. Wouldn't that be weird, eatin' something that just came out of you?”

and

Jason to Sam: "I smite thee, Sam Merlotte. DIE!"

We all marvelled at his musing on life, love and the nature of good and evil in these exchanges:

Jason to Sookie: "When you love somebody, you gotta love it all, or it ain't love."

and

Jason to Luke: “Evil is making the premedicated choice to be a dick”

and

Jason to Andy: “Do you think Sam ever turned into a dog and then made it with a female dog?”

and , of course:

Jason to Steve: “I reckon I've already been to heaven and it's inside your wife.”

And who could forget that subtle and profound question:

"Explain Europe to me?" 

I think we would all like to have Europe explained.  Anybody?....Anybody?

 Ah Jason, Jason, Jason, and, yes, I too "love the smell of nail polish in the morning."



Quotes and photos: HBO