Adventures in Extreme Criticism

Hot on the heels of that tiny Chinese critic who thought that "Cats" was a steaming pile of shit (literally), comes the the 6 Connecticut critics who thought a woman's rendition of "A Dios Le Pido" was worthy of brickbats (again literally). If this trend towards Extreme Criticism catches on, soon all performers will be required to wear body armour by their insurers.

Source: UPI
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/10/08/Six-arraigned-for-karaoke-attack/UPI-34421255033667/

How to Tell the Difference Between My Horse Scotty and Stephen Moyer

Since I keep getting asked if the Hot Scott mentioned earlier in my blog is the guy pictured in the blog's header (well - OK, I was only asked once) I thought I'd make it clearer how to distinguish between the two.

Hot Scott (AKA Scotty) is a horse (Equus Caballus) .  He is 7 years old (about 28 in human years). He has brown/black hair and brown eyes and stands about 5 feet to the top of his shoulders (approximately 5'6" in human terms).  He is a gelding.  His genetics are primarily American.

The guy in the blog header is Stephen Moyer - he is a human (Homo sapiens sapiens).  He is about 40 years old (10 horse years).  He has blond hair - allegedly - and blue eyes and stands about 5'10'' to the top of his head (maybe 16hh in horse terms).  He is an entire (I presume, since he has progeny) and his genetics are English.  I was going to say "Stallion" instead of "entire" but, sadly, I'm not qualified to give that appellation.

If Scotty was a human he'd probably look a lot like Orlando Bloom.  Scotty IS very cute.  As you can see Orlando Bloom does not look like Stephen Moyer.

If Stephen were a horse he probably look like this.  This horse does not look anything like Scotty (see above).

My theorum is thus proven.  Stephen Moyer ≠ Hot Scott.

Anna Paquin - Afraid of Weddings?

I just love the way the media can beat up a throw-away line.  Classic case is Anna Paquin's declaration to a UK tabloid that she hates those puffy, "meringue" wedding dresses - those horrible creations that even the most fashion-conscious of brides can be sucked into wearing for their big day. 

Actually I agree with Anna - although I'd add that the only thing worse than a wedding dress is a bridesmaid's dress. 

Anna's quite rational dislike of wedding dresses has been media-morphed into a fear of weddings.  Kind of like when she wore a loose top one day and was suddenly pregnant [Is that how it happens? I always wondered.]

Not to be outdone by a tabloid (my standards are low) I thought I'd add to the beat-up by coining a phrase for wedding-phobia.  Having Googled this and being unable to find an actual word for wedding phobia, I looked up the Greek word for wedding (or marriage), which is παντρεία "pandria".  For some reason all phobias are Greek (phobia, itself, being a Greek word).

So, Anna, I thought you'd like to know you are now a Pandriaphobe.  Kind of sounds like you are afraid of cute black and white bears.  As a self-confessed Coulrophobe I am glad to see that there are other phobics out there.  Mind you, given the fact that I did this translation and research in about 5 minutes I may be naming you something else entirely.  Sorry about that. 

Oh - and congratulations on the pregnancy!

Animal Attraction

Even my little girl cat, Niji, likes Stephen Moyer.  She stared at him for a whole 10 minutes while I was watching True Blood.  She did watch him upside down - but, then, she is a cat.

The Sad Story of the Only Poem I Know Off-By-Heart

This is the only poem I know off-by-heart.

A Poem by Rev Spooner (Monty Python)

I've a gouse and harden in the country
A ace I call my plown
A treat I can replace to
When I beed to ne alone.

Butterfly and catterpillar
Perch on beefy lough
As I listen to the dats and cogs
As they mark and they beow.

Yes wature here is nunderful
There is no weed for nords
And silling by my windowflutter
Biny little tirds.

Sad, isn't it.  There is one other, but I don't think "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear" really counts as a poem.

Vampires are Strong, Sexy Alphas - That's Why We Love Them

2009 really is the Year of the Vampire. True Blood, Being Human and The Vampire Diaries are on the small screen and there are at least 34 vampire films either released or to be released this year (according to the website Suburban Vampire).

So what is it about Vampires that draws us in? One of the major theories was put forward by Stephen King in his 1981 book Danse Macabre. He argued that Vampires appealed mainly to teenage girls as they were the ultimate “zipless fuck” – all the fun without the drama.

Another theory is that the Vampire is the ultimate bad boy and bad boys are just so attractive to women. For some, this attraction is inexplicable and irrational – why would you want a guy that is mad, bad and dangerous to know?

I am speaking here of male-female sexual attraction here – I don’t know if the bad boy/girl has the same appeal in same-sex relationships. If you are reading this and can provide some insight on this topic, perhaps you would like to comment? I’d be interested to know.

I would argue that the answer lies in our evolutionary biology. When we think of relationships today it is in terms of monogamous pair-bonds – couples – married or living together. This is a relatively recent, and Western, cultural construct.

Human biology tells a different story. In primates, as in many animal species, differences in body size between males and females (the technical term is sexual dimorphism) can reflect breeding behaviour.

Where breeding occurs within a monogamous pair-bond (such as in Gibbons) the relative body size of the male and female are equal. Where breeding behaviour occurs within groups (such as in Gorillas or Chimpanzees) very often a single alpha male will have a harem of females over which he has exclusive breeding rights. In this situation the male is bigger than the female.

And so it is in humans. This tells us that for most of our evolutionary history a human female would prefer an alpha male as a sexual partner because he represented the biggest genetic bang for her buck (so to speak).

So this is my argument - the Vampire is alpha - the big, strong and sexy leader of the pack. That’s why we love them.

My Name is Bloodoracle and I am Afraid of Clowns

There - I have publicly outed myself - I am a Coulrophobe.

Well, maybe not anymore - but I was as a child. My response to clowns is now much more rational - I just hate the creepy bastards! Need less to say Stephen King's It and the movie Poltergeist really give me the screaming heebee geebees.


Now there is news that a clown is about to be sent into space (the founder of Circe de Soleil has payed for trip to the International Space Station).

This should definitely set a precedent. As far as I am concerned all clowns should be shot into space and left there. Maybe we could send a clown-ship to Mars - it is already the right colour. Come to think of it, perhaps we could send their cousins the Mimes as well. Don't get me started...

Aussies beat the Poms in .... Robot Dancing

Australia might not have been able to beat England in this year's Ashes Cricket tournament but, by god, the University of Melbourne can beat the University of Kent in robot dancing!  It is comforting to know that the future of the country is safe in the hands of the next generation.

Source:  ninemsn - http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/869234/aussies-break-robot-dancing-world-record

True Blood does the Rocky Horror Show

This blog post started when I woke up to Triple J this morning and Marike Hardy was telling listeners how, at the Chinese production of the musical Cats, a child did a poo in the theatre aisle and the performance had to be stopped.  Wow, do they have harsh critics in China!  Usually you just get hecklers.

Now this is pretty much my reaction to Cats as well.  That's not to say I dislike musicals - there are some I love: Singing in the Rain, Les Miserables, The Singing Dectective, Cabaret (and lots of others). 

A particular teenage obsession of mine was The Rocky Horror Show - both stage and cinema versions.  When I was in the shower this morning (my best place for thinking) I had a vision/fantasy/delusion (call it what you will) of the characters in True Blood being cast in The Rocky Horror Show.  Here are my suggestions.

For Brad and Janet - no contest really - it has to be Bill and Sookie.  We know Bill can sing and dance and I'm sure Sookie sang in the Church choir.

Dr. Frank-N-Furter - now this is a hard one.  As much as I'd like to see Eric in fishnets, I think the role would have to go to Lafayette.

Riff-Raff and Magenta - Eric is a bit left field for Riff-Raff, but I think he could make it work and Pam would be a spectacular Magenta.

Columbia - hmm - Jessica or Tara?  I going with Tara - 'cause I'm sure she can tap-dance.

Dr. Everett V. Scott - Sam (I had to give him something poor dear).

Rocky Horror - again no contest here - it just has to be Jason.

Eddie - Andy Bellefleur - he's as mad as a cut snake, so perfect for this role.

The Criminologist - Sheriff Dearborne - "it's just a jump to the left."

The Transylvanians - Jessica, Hoyt, Mike Spencer, Rosy, Jane Bodehouse.

Queen Sophie-Ann - the Director, of course.

Barbie - the Movie

Yes - Barbie is making a movie.

"The 50-year-old figurine fashionista, reputedly the biggest-selling toy of all time, will be brought to life by Universal Pictures following a deal between the studio and manufacturer Mattel, Variety reported. "Barbie is the most famous doll in history, a unique cultural icon in the world of brands," Universal Pictures chairman Marc Shmuger said. "

In a surprise casting decision Ken will be Barbie's love interest.

I can't wait. I haven't looked forward to a movie so much since The Spice Girls Movie. :-p

If they can write a vampire into the script I might go see it.

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,26127398-7485,00.html

My Cousin Ötzi

This is my cousin Ötzi. He's not looking so good having spent way too much time being freeze dried.

A couple of years ago I had my Mitochondrial DNA sequenced by Oxford Ancestors Ltd. and I found out that Ötzi and I share a maternal ancestor from about 7000 years ago.

Ötzi died high on an Alpine pass between Austria and Italy over 5000 years ago. This means at the time he was alive Egyptian civilization was just beginning. His body was covered by ice and it was not found again until 1991.

Apparently my cousin was either murdered or sacrificed. If I ever find all the descendants of those responsible for his death, there will be trouble. Just sayin'.

Read more about Ötzi at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%96tzi_the_Iceman
http://www.oetzi.com/

Find out about your ancestry at:
http://www.oxfordancestors.com/

Stranger than Fiction (2) - the Horned God?

This is really creepy and coming after that whole - horned god & sacrifice story line in True Blood, it is enough to give me nightmares. (Or it would be if my nightmares consisted of anything but frustration dreams about being late to catch a plane.)

Jack Marx, in his new book Australian Tragic, tells the true story of the Godson family.

"Moloch

While waiting at Circular Quay for a ferry to take them to Sydney's Luna Park on June 9, 1979, the Godson family are approached by a Satanic-looking figure dressed in a loincloth and wearing a mask with horns. The creature voicelessly places his hand on young Damian Godson's shoulder. Somebody snaps a photograph. It is the last photograph of the boy ever taken - hours later, Damian, his brother, Craig, and his father, John, will burn in the fire that sweeps through The Ghost Train. Nobody will ever see the horned man again. "

Source: news.com.au
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26119165-421,00.html

Queen Sophie-Ann - Workplace Psychopath

In the vampire world it seems that size matters - fang size. Going by the length of Queen Sophie-Ann's pointy teeth she is one powerful vamp.

Alan Ball has said of the Queen that “Nobody’s ever entirely happy to see her...She’s very powerful, capricious and most likely insane.”

While her behaviour is certainly eccentric, she doesn't seem insane. What she definitely is is a psychopath (I'll leave it up to medical and legal professions to decide whether psychopaths are insane or not).

Psychopaths can be described as "generally highly destructive and manipulative individuals with dark sides who have no remorse for their actions..."

"They are typically only interested in power, control, domination and subjugation, and it is believed that female psychopaths are more dangerous than males as they are more socially skillful in their manipulation."

Actually, now I think back on it all of the girl vamps in True Blood have bigger fangs than the boys. Maybe in the TB universe vampires are like birds of prey where the female is bigger and stronger than the male.

Psychopathic behaviour can include the sneaky, manipulative and bullying actions by high achievers who are loved by management. A workplace psychopath, be they a colleague or a boss can be the bane of those around them.

The effect they have on co-workers or employees can include: "Insomnia, intense self-doubt and mild depression...and in more severe cases chronic anxiety, depression, despair and even suicidal ideation..."

Sound familiar, Bill?

This description would also seem to apply to Lorena.

Poor Bill. No wonder he fell for Sookie after being the victim of those two gorgons.

Source: News.com.au, 23 Sept 2009, 'Dark sides' creating toxic workplaces By staff writers and wires. Research quote: Dr Giles Burch, The Auckland University Business School’s Department of Management.

Picture: HBO

Want to read more about Psychopaths (who wouldn't really)?

http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2009/10/01/2701728.htm

Ummmm - bad marketing?

A co-worker popped into my office to let me know he was having a climax.

I was seriously considering lodging a sexual harassment claim when he went on to explain that "Climax" was the name of a new energy drink on the market.

Come on marketing guys! What are you - 9 years old or something?

Given how bad it apparently tastes it probably needed the puerile name.

Apocalypse Again!

A cloud of blood-red dust has blanketed South-Eastern Australia and nearly shut down Sydney. I always suspected that Luna Park was the gate to Hell (see pic). That face with its mad, wide smile and white, white teeth...

People have been saying this red sky is a sign of the Apocalypse.

Again!

I'm getting bored of this almost Apocalypse. Get over it already! The Apocalypse is like love or the Spanish Inquisition - it will come when you least expect it (or not at all) and it will have a comfy chair.

And while I'm on the subject of Apocalypses/Apocalypii??? (whatever), what is it with fantasy/horror TV shows and the Apocalypse? Didn't Buffy manage to avert the Apocalypse several times, not to mention Angel as well? The boys on Supernatural are also battling Hell in their current season. There's got to be others I've forgotten. Surely there are only so many times you can avert an Apocalypse.

Hot Scott

This is my horse Scotty (registered name Be My Hero) AKA Hot Scott.

Someone asked me (not a True Blood fan) if Hot Scott was the guy pictured in my blog title. lolololololololololol!!!!!

I wish.

The Drawers of Order...

...or should I say the order of drawers. Kitchen drawers. My mother, and no doubt her mother before her, always kept the kitchen wraps (eg aluminium foil, cling wrap etc.) in the third drawer down under the cutlery (traditionally kept in the top draw). The second drawer is usually the random kitchen utensil drawer - the one that always gets stuck. The bottom drawer is the other stuff - including paper and plastic bags, appliance manuals etc.

As the wild and crazy innovator that I am, I have my wraps in the second drawer with the utensils below that.

I would like to know from my regular readers (OK - I know there are none - humour the crazy lady) how you organise your kitchen drawers. There is probably an interesting research study in how humans transmit culture through the organisation of living spaces.

Ovenism - a New Cosmology

My brother and I walked into the kitchen and thus our Mother spake:

"Everything is in the oven"

Our eyes were opened and so Ovenism was born

The central tenent of this cosmology is that all time and space exists within the celestial oven and that we are awaiting the "end timer" which will go off and the oven door will open to reveal the "dinner".

More later....

What do cats see? (2)

After extensive research (well a quick Google trawl, actually) I have managed to answer some of my questions about how my cats might see me. There are two parts to this.
(1) The actual physical aspect of the eye which govern sight or vision; and (2) the neurological aspects that govern how vision is interpreted in the brain.

Eyes
Humans, as primates, are adapted to a diurnal, tree-dwelling, plant and fruit foraging niche which requires good colour detail and depth perception. Sight is a primate’s most important sense. Felines on the other hand are essentially nocturnal predators for whom colour vision and fine detail are not as important as the ability to detect the movement of prey in dim and changing light conditions. A cat’s senses of smell and hearing are also much more acute than those of humans.

The Brain
Humans recognise other humans primarily by sight, in particular through the recognition of an individual’s unique facial features. Studies on infants have found that facial recognition is an innate behaviour and there are specialised structures in the human brain which deal with the processing of facial recognition. Primates are essentially social animals that live in family groupings within a home territory. The recognition of members of a group as opposed to outsiders is an important adaptation for the defence of territory and the resources within it.

Felines (with the exception of lions) tend to be solitary as adults with territories defined through scent marking. It would be interesting to see if lions perceive individuals differently from other felines. Certainly anyone who has seen the video of Christian the lion greeting his two human “parents” can see that he clearly remembered and recognised them.

Conclusion
My cats can’t see me the way a human can – it is just not physically possible for them. They probably see me as a mobile object – that feeds them. That and the fact that my younger cats haven’t come into contact with a wide variety of human-shaped objects may explain their nervous behaviour with strangers and swishy pants.

References

Dr. Christianne.Schelling - Cat Health Topics: Feline Special Senses Visionhttp://www.cathealth.com/CatEyes.htmCat - 2005

Facial recognition vs object recognition
G. Lovell, Face Recognition, Tutorial Handouts, "Cognitiove Psychology" Course, University of Stirling, UK
http://www.face-rec.org/

Relative Queues of Time

You turn up on time for your Doctor appointment and wait for half-an-hour, an hour or more before you actually get to see the Doctor. You turn up late for your appointment and "oh dear" maybe the Doctor can't see you at all because you didn't wait in the correct order. (NB - not my experience - I'm just an interested observer of human behaviour.)